Gozu translates from Japanese to English as cow head. Takashi Miike makes a wide variety of films. Averaging four films a year, Miike is bound to squeeze out a few lesser works between his moments of brilliance. Not lesser in the sense that they should be dismissed; Miike is not capable of making a boring or uninteresting film. Even those not deemed brilliant have interesting ideas and stunning scenes, just not quite in the right order. The man is a machine producing better product than nearly anyone in Hollywood. May Miike remain Japanese forever!!! Although I consider this one of his lesser works, the sheer intensity of the climax nearly catapults this one into the upper echelon. In the opening scene, we are introduced to Ozaki, an assassin on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Believing it to be a trained Yakuza attack dog, Ozaki takes an old lady’s tiny Chihuahua and repeatedly slams the dog against a café window until it is long past dead. His shocked cohorts watch in amazement, coming to the silent realization that the time has come for the aging Ozaki “to retire”. En route to put the hit on Ozaki, traveling through a small village Ozaki DISAPPEARS, leaving his brother Minami hunting his trail through crazy locations and insane inhabitants. Eventually, Minami encounters his brother. Well, not exactly: Ozaki now boasts the head of a cow. No really – minotaur-Ozaki begins licking the head and face of his brother with his grotesquely slimy cow tongue. This is before Ozaki is reincarnated later as a beautiful Japanese girl who Minami falls in love with. The first warning sign presented itself when they made love. Minami finds himself literally stuck inside her. As he tries to remove himself from her body, he physically pulls her entire body along with him as he scurries backwards in an attempt to free himself. Escaping, he looks down at her crotch to see the hand and forearm of an adult man protruding from within her. Sure enough, the arm proves to be only the first few inches of his brother Ozaki, who is then birthed: adult sized and complete with tattoos. Experience pure Miike, as he takes a page from Von Triers’ KINGDOM and elevates it beyond all expectations. GOZU exists within a galaxy where Planet Miike orbits Planet Lynch… and it is a must see. Remember, Gozu means cow head.

ZOMBIEDANCE

Saturday night was the date of a non-SXSW related event: Zombiedance. Now enjoying its sixth year, situated in a small building in east Austin, we settled into our seats to enjoy the best of shorts plucked from the world over, showcasing the various interpretations of the world of zombies. Slowkid Production (www.flojo.com) had a terrific turnout!

ZOMBIEDANCE SELECTIONS & DIRECTORS:

LUCID BEING – Joshua Long, Brisbane Australia

DUST & BLOOD – Jed Strahm, La Grange, Texas

IT’S ALRIGHT – THE SUBTEENS – GB Shannon, Memphis, Tennessee

COME CALLING – Hiroyasu Obara, Tokyo, Japan

CHEAP LUDES – Jeroen Mol & John Doornik, Amsterdam, The Netherlands

ROCK N ROLL B MOVIE MONSTERS – Eugene Romero, Austin, Texas

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL – Ezzio Avendano, Mexico City, Mexico

SEASON’S GREETINGS – James W. Harris, Barton County, Georgia

With multiple filmmakers in attendance, we began the program with a twenty-minute sex education film from the fifties targeting the teaching of sex ed to “trainables”, the politically correct term for mentally retarded. Having seen this a few years back, we were eager for the festivities to begin. We were not disappointed! The shorts ranged from two to eighteen minutes and varied from campy cool zombies to kickass-blood-in-your-eye zombies. It was an entertaining evening that should not be overlooked by fans of the undead next March for year seven! Click HERE to link up to their site!

www.zombiedance.org

SUPERSIZE ME

Easily the most entertaining documentary I have seen in the last five years, if director Morgan Spurlock is not enjoying Oscar nomination elation in February 2005, a severe crime will have been committed. I will keep this one short since I feel that it will be among the most reviewed films of the festival. It deserves to be. Compelling beyond belief and as timely as they come, SUPERSIZE ME is simply one of the best.

JERSEY GIRL

I never thought I would see the day when Kevin Smith wrote and directed a film that I would never want to see again. That day has come. It was Saturday, March 13, 2004. It was a sad day. When discussing JERSEY GIRL, I’ve gotta ask: Who did Kevin make this movie for? Aside from the mentions of his father, wife and daughter, what demographic is he gunning for? His fans? His most loyal (me!) be disappointed with the lack of pointed, referential humor and his dangerously clever quips, but those who are turned off by his style of writing & filmmaking will never give this one a chance because they will assume he is up to his old tricks. Those who look to Smith for inspiration will also find themselves at a loss. I found myself motivated to make films after I saw CLERKS ten years ago, and I continue to look to him for inspiration. I find myself stunned by this experience. This is unquestionably Smith’s best looking film, but at what cost? Does it look gorgeous? Absolutely. Is it distinctive? Not in the least. JG looks like everything else out there. Some would argue that Smith has never really done anything with the camera, but at least that’s his style. Jersey Girl looks good, but nothing about the way it looks distinguishes it from the pack. I knew this was to be a departure from his View Askewniverse, which I welcomed, but I really hope that Kev’s got it all out of his system, because with GREEN HORNET and FLETCH, TOO coming up, he will rise to the challenge!

HELLBOY

Fortunately, my dismal JERSEY GIRL experience was quickly washed from my consciousness by the incredible spectacle and perfectly realized vision of Guillermo del Toro’s magnificent HELLBOY! GDT is one of my favorite directors working today and I was beside myself with excitement to see what I now consider to be the first great film of 2004.

First of all, I don’t even understand how one begins to construct a world so rich, so detailed and so endorsed by Mike Mignola; simply an unbelievable achievement. The toughest film of any franchise is unquestionably the first. To establish a specific world and the rules that apply within that world is much more difficult than people realize. True to form, Guillermo has knocked the ball from the park. Andy and Lana Wachowski elevated the action genre with THE MATRIX, Norrington did it with BLADE film, I feel Guillermo did it with BLADE 2 and now with HELLBOY, he has done it again. Now with HELLBOY under his belt, Guillermo has fully established himself as one of the most visionary, accomplished filmmakers in the business today. Ron Perlman is perfect casting. The man nails it home; he actually exceeded my expectations of his portrayal of Hellboy. Opens April 2, 2004

DOUBLE DARE

A documentary about stuntwomen in television and film. I have developed a new crush: Zoë Bell. She is so spunky, spirited, and full of enthusiasm, the attraction is easy to understand; but her sexiness is capped by her cool Kiwi-accent. We watch her path cross with that of Jeannie Eppers, an aging stuntwoman who hails from a proud family of stuntmen. We see Zoë as she completes her multi-year gig as Lucy Lawless’ stunt double on XENA. Zoë then trains or over a year before Jeannie secures a try-out for her to audition for the part of Uma Thurman’s stunt-double in KILL BILL. At the audition, Zoë’s enthusiasm and energy are infectious, extending even to Quentin Tarantino. Prior to meeting Zoë, Quentin claimed he was, “shitting bricks” in his unsuccessful bid for a suitable stunt double for Uma. Director Amanda Micheli’s well-trained camera catches Zoë’s emotional arc from reflexive to elation with the nonchalant realism of a fly on the wall. As Zoë sits on the couch watching her dog yawn, she goes to answer the telephone only to be informed that she has landed the gig. Her excitement and disbelief are so moving one might find themselves moved to tears as you watch her land the job of a lifetime. Amanda Micheli’s film is compelling from start to finish. Zoë, in attendance, displayed more than enough charisma to take a stab at a full-time role in front of the camera. This girl is star potential. This girl is fearless – she will achieve greatness in the years to come.

I am working on another half dozen reviews; tomorrow I am catching CHISOLM 72 which I have heard is absolutely incredible, and SNAKE HUNT at MIDNIGHT at the Alamo Drafthouse. I heard the filmmakers are going to have LIVE RATTLESNAKES at the screenings both Friday and Saturday night at midnight. Here is a link to the details!

http://www.crazyinsaneproductions.com/

That’s it for now! It is six o’clock in the goddamn morning! More soon…

Tom Joad