I am – Hercules!!

No real review on tonight’s “ER” for some reason, but we did read most of the script a couple months ago. From our Sept. 2 spoiler post:

Halloween falls on the first day of sweeps this season, and we've gotten a big chunk of “ER’s” Oct. 31 Halloween installment, titled “A Hopeless Wound.”

* The episode introduces Don Cheadle as Paul Nathan, a middle-aged med student suffering with Parkinson’s. He impresses everybody, including Romano, when he spots a misdiagnosis of necrotizing fascitis. We learn that Nathan was, until recently, a successful commodities trader.

* Ella goes trick-or-treating as a cow.

* Rocket Romano gets some bad news regarding the fine motor skills of his reattached arm. We seem him highly frustrated at having to just lend advice to slower and less talented surgeons.

* County finds itself contending with a Halloween-night apartment fire that sweeps through a gay costume party. Dozens of homosexuals find their bodies fused to their jungle-girl, Cher, and Streisand outfits. Pratt gets fairly creeped out by the flood of half-charred drag queens.

* Kovac cheeses off Chuny by almost laughing when a horny patient puts the grab on her hinder. Kovac gets in more serious trouble with Weaver later in the show after he convinces a distraught mother to sign a DNR order for her doomed newborn, who suffers from a deadly genetic defect. (This whole storyline should prove another enormous ER tearjerker.)

* John and Abby agree to spend their entire shift together in costume. Abby turns up as a “naughty nurse,” while John arrives in a skeleton outfit. At shifts end, Abby gives her falsies to the horny patient, but tells Carter, “He got my boobs, but my heart belongs to you, boney-boy.”

* The trades report that Sally Field will reprise her role as Abby’s mom for November sweeps. If she’s in the Halloween episode, though, our guess is she doesn’t pop in until the very end.

To order coffee mugs and boxer shorts adorned with the image of a green, handicapable “24” fanatic, click here.